Grand Scheming Sky
by Ersatz
Summary: One shot featuring lashings of Diana with a sprinkle of angst and sap. Reviews always welcome.


**Author's Note:** It's angsty, it's sappy. It's a li'l bit crappy. My first whack at a D&D fic. Eep.

**Disclaimer:** I own nowt.

* * *

**Grand Scheming Sky**

'You know what I hate?' mused Eric. 'I hate jocks. I hate olives. I hate this stupid armour. I hate weird little guys in dresses, present company excepted,' he added with a mollifying glance for Presto. 'But most of all, I _hate. Friggin'. __Spiders_!'

Diana sighed. Once, the sight of the Cavalier flailing in a giant web would have had her in raptures. She leaned against the tree and inspected her nails. Ruined. As usual. 'Finished?'

Eric let his tantrum steam a little longer before going limp in his gossamer trap, a shiny overgrown daddy-long-legs.

'Well?' he demanded between puffs. 'Any of you bright sparks got an idea? Except you,' he snapped as Presto twitched for his hat. 'Keep your crummy magic to yourself, David Crapperfield.'

Hank was eying the little clearing, taking in the trees, the foliage, the strangely fluting grass. Although he probably didn't know it, the Ranger had an arrow nocked and ready to fly.

'I could try and cut through,' suggested Sheila with a weak wave of her knife.

Diana saw Eric roll his eyes at her, quick, conspiratorial. The web was tough as alloy, but that was Sheila for you; ever the optimist.

'Maybe we could do something about the tree it's stuck to…'

'Lemme try.' Bobby launched a clout at the gnarled trunk before they could chorus a warning.

Leaves showered about them before stillness resumed. Diana exhaled loudly.

Then the tree opened its mouth.

'Would you look at that,' observed Presto.

'It's a first,' agreed Sheila as the snapping maw strained toward Eric.

'Hullo? Anyone?' Eric was having issues navigating the web; his left arm had somehow got wrapped around his head. 'Little help here?'

Hank's arrow _was_ little help; the mouth was not only gnashing more furiously than ever but now cheerily aflame.

'Gee, thanks Hank.'

'Hold on, Eric. Diana?'

The Javelin hummed into life. 'On it.'

It was standard, really. A sprint over flailing root, a hop and pogo-vault onto a branch. Not too different then the old parallel bars, she thought mid-whirl, except for the splinters. She launched for the Cavalier, landing with an _oof_ to wrap strong thighs around his steel clad waist.

A hum told her Hank had something up his gauntleted sleeve. She grinned. 'Hold on, Tin Man.'

The Cavalier barely had time to whimper before the web catapulted them into undergrowth.

A few birds chirruped in the stillness. A butterfly flounced by.

'No really, I'm fine,' Eric announced from somewhere to her left. 'Don't all hurry at once.'

Diana groaned onto hands and knees. 'The day you stop yapping is the day we'll start worrying, Cavalier.'

Eric had set about clattering to his feet, face set in its customary scowl. 'Nice move there, Bobby.'

'Bet'cha like Diana's better,' came Bobby's sly response.

Before Eric could muster a retort, Sheila ran to crouch in front of the little Barbarian. In that dress it was quite a sight. 'What have I told you?'

'Don't rush in,' he muttered in a quiet, unBobby-ish voice.

'And…?'

The boy shuffled his fur lined boots. 'Don't bash everything.'

Diana looked from this scene of sibling accord to find Hank standing over her, arm outstretched.

'Good work.'

'Thanks,' she murmured, wondering at the strength of his grip, how the calluses on his fingers maddened her wrist. She smiled. 'Not so bad yourself.'

Hank shrugged in his 'aw shucks' way. There was the tiniest sweat-curl behind his ear.

'No, really Hank,' Sheila chirped, one hand lingering protectively on her little brother's shoulder. 'That was a great shot!'

Only a matter of time before Hank returned Sheila's woo-woo eyes. Already he had forgotten her in favour of the little Thief; the pair were angled toward one another, mirrors of coy affection.

'Urg.'

'Sore?' she commiserated as Eric stumbled to her side, swiping web from his armour.

'Naw - who wants to see that?' He jerked a thumb at Hank and Sheila and affected a girlish lisp. 'I mean, _gag_ me with a _mace_…'

She nodded absently, noticing how Hank's eyes kept flicking to the Thief's excuse for a hem. Venger could have them dangling over the Pit of Doom and the boys would still find time to eye a flash of Sheila-flesh. Even Presto wasn't above giving the Thief the old once over. It was a wonder his stupid glasses didn't fog up.

'Oh Hank, I do de-_clare_' Eric went on, really getting into it now. 'Your highlights, they dazzle my eyes, so they do…'

Sheila had clasped her hands behind her back and was swaying slightly, freckled nose crimped in a smile. Sweet little Sheila, who wouldn't say boo to a Bogbeast. She barely scraped Hank's shoulder. Hardly a match for their leader. He deserved better; a challenge. Someone fast and strong and clever.

Someone

'…Oh Sheila…'

Someone

'…Oh Hank…'

_like__ me_

'…I lurve you!'

'Would you just shut _up_.'

Eric's kissey-face upuckered. He looked almost hurt before remembering to scowl. 'Jeez, what crawled up your bikini?'

'Don't you get it?'

His armoured creaked as he sidled closer. 'Get what?'

'Us.'

'There's an us now?'

She wafted a hand towards the others. 'How we stand. With _them_. Don't you ever feel...outside?'

'Outside how?'

'Outta the fold. Outside the loop.'

She didn't like the dismay on Eric's face. It was too familiar by far.

Glancing quickly away, she found Hank still gazing at Sheila. Even Bobby and Uni were gazing at Sheila. Presto was gazing at a passing butterfly, but he was still rooted at Sheila's side.

She saw herself as they must, marooned on the other side of the clearing with the weaponless Cavalier, painfully aware of the smut on her cheeks and tear in her outfit, of how flushed and ridiculous Eric was in his dented armour.

Her hands clutched into fists.

'Greeting, Young Ones.'

'Oh look, a reject from the Lollipop Guild.'

All eyes automatically homed on Eric.

'Nuh-huh,' said Eric, pointing at the source of the outburst. 'And might I add I'd be ashamed at such a low-rent quip.'

Diana planted fists on hips as she met the stares of the others. 'What? The Cavalier got monopoly on being pissy?'

'No,' said Bobby, darkly. 'Just on being a jerk.'

'Hush, Bob.' But Hank's voice was concerned. 'Diana, are you okay?'

'We're just dandy, aren't we Cavalier?'

'Don't bring me into this,' Eric sputtered.

'On my own, huh? What a surprise.'

Uncomfortable silence descended. Even Dungeon Master looked perturbed, in his mild, imperturbable way.

'So, what is it this time?' she demanded of the diminutive newcomer. 'Wicked Witch need killing? Flying Monkeys of Doom? But we're sure to find a way out of Oz this time, right? Gotta dangle those carrots somehow!'

'Diana, maybe you should calm down.'

To hear that from Hank's stupid, handsome face would be bad enough, but Sheila, Sheila who had everything, who wonted for nothing, standing tall by their leader's side, telling her to _calm down_?

'Maybe I should calm down,' she repeated wonderingly. 'My, you're just full of handy suggestions, aren't'cha?' Her voice twisted in spiteful, simpering parody. 'Maybe we should ask Hank, maybe we should wait for Dungeon Master, maybe we should wish on a star to get home.' She rounded on the smaller girl. 'Maybe you should do something useful and just disappear.'

'Hey!' yelled Bobby.

She had a glimpse of Sheila recoiling, hand steepled to her breast, and then the Thief was gone.

'Good start!' she yelled at the sudden part in the undergrowth, then positioned herself between Hank and the fleeing girl. She could practically hear the dilemma whirring in his brain. Leader or Lover?

_Go on_. _Prove me right._

'Stay here,' he ordered. Then he turned and sprinted after the Thief.

'Don't mind me,' she cried, savagely jubilant. 'I'll be just fine.'

'Diana. Please.'

She'd been ready for Bobby, had plenty of ammo for Eric. But Presto? She turned, utterly disarmed, to the Magician's honey-mild gaze.

Presto snatched off his glasses and worried them on his robe, as though to erase the sight of her. Oh, she knew how she must look; face twisted with all the scorn and hurt roiling in her gut.

No one called after her, no one followed.

Head high, Diana stalked into the dusk.

* * *

The stars were cauled by cloud, sickly motes in the gloom. 

Diana shivered on the grassy tor and drew her knees closer. Occasionally a far away sound would drift to her like some uninvited spirit.

_...Sheeeei-laaaa..._

And speaking of uninvited…footsteps? How predictable. She stiffened, ready for Hank's one-Ranger rally. But Hank's step was stealthy as a leaf in an eddy. And since when did leather groan like plate steel?

'Penny for them. Actually, it's more of an IOU. Left my wallet in my other pants. You know, the ones not made of chain-mail.'

'Take a walk, Tin Man.'

'Can't.' Something soft and warm settled over her shoulders before Eric clanked down beside her. 'Chafe-burn.'

'That's real nice, Cavalier. Classy.'

She burrowed deeper into the red cloak as silence ticked the seconds by.

'Probably shouldn't sit here too long,' Eric observed, running his palm over dewed grass. 'I'll be stuck in this spot forever, praying for a Kansas gal with WD-40.'

'I ain't from Kansas, sugar. By the way, thanks for sticking up for me.'

'Like you need my help,' he shot back. 'Besides, you were out of line.'

'Wow, thanks, Eric. I feel _so_ much better!'

'Sarcasm's my hook, sweetcheeks. And I'm not going to lie to you.'

Diana rested chin on knees, still staring into the dark. 'Was I really that awful?'

'Sheila's still doing her Harvey impression.'

The stone in her belly dropped a little lower. 'So that's why.'

'Why what?'

'Why you're...'

'Here?' Eric sighed. 'Yeah, still Hank's looking for her. What do you expect?'

And what did she expect, exactly? Boy Wonder to suddenly ditch the Realm Sweetheart for some bikini clad savage?

'You know,' she mused, wondering what she was about to say, why she was about to say it. 'I once dated Bill Parker.'

Eric mock-gasped. '_The _Bill Parker?'

'_The _Star Quarterback. We stepped out for a while. Thought it was going well. He won me a toy at the county fair – a unicorn.' She snorted. 'Funny, huh?'

'Su-ure. Okay, wait, wait.' The hand staying her wrist was soft, its touch softer. 'I'm listening; Willy Parker, unicorn, irony. Keep going.'

'We'd been dating a few weeks,' she went on, relaxing back into the warmth of his cloak. 'It was more than just fooling around. I knew we would…take things further, you know?'

'Not really. Spell it out, starting with the part you get undressed.'

She chanced at look at him. His smile looked frail in the moonlight, his pale, slender fingers drumming the grass.

'I asked to meet his parents. Y'know, after.' She stared at the horizon, saw it brimming with light. 'He stopped calling soon after that.'

Eric said nothing.

'There was a photograph in the paper, a week before we…left. His arm was around some girl. She was beautiful; tiny and smiling with this fall of yellow hair. He looked so happy. So _proud_. His parents' blessing was underneath. I tried to imagine me in that picture, smiling, held close. But I couldn't.'

When did it get so hard to breathe? Her eyes sought Eric and found a starstruck blur. 'I couldn't.'

She huddled in on herself, ashamed and sobbing, bare arms clasped around her knees.

_if__ he were here, his arms would be around me_

_if__ he were here, he'd smell of leather and sunlight and strength_

_if__ he were here, there'd be no tears_

_if__ he_

_if_

A touch on her hand; slim, cool fingers binding with her own.

_but__ he's not_

A thumb stroking the tender lines of her palm.

_and__ i_

No hugs. No pats. No platitudes.

_i'm__ glad_

He let her cry until she was light, giddy. Somehow her face was resting on a steel-clad shoulder. It felt good against her hot cheek.

After a time she realised someone was humming softly, a tune from childhood sweet enough to set her crying again.

'Eric…have you loved?'

She felt him stiffen beneath his armour, but he went on humming; she could feel it reverberate deep within his breastplate.

'_If I only had a heart_,' he half-sang, half-murmured before lapsing into silence.

Diana shifted to look up at him. His eyes were cold, his smile crooked and almost not-there. 'Whatever you got, Eric, it's in the right place.'

They shared a look, strange and fathomless, until she swiped at the tears on her cheeks and shook out her tangled hair. 'Now beat it, Cavalier.'

'But the show's just starting.'

He was right; the first moon was cresting the dark. Somehow her head was on his shoulder again, the place where a ghost of her warmth still lingered.

'I guess you could hang around…'

First moonlight swept toward them in a silvery wave, washing over their clasped hands.

'…Just for a little while.'

Eyes closing, Diana smiled.


End file.
